Friday, February 09, 2007

I Hate Valentines Day! Arrrrgh!






The Cemetery Where My Love Life Resides Permanently.












That's right. I hate Valentines Day with every fiber of my five foot five being. If Cupid actually existed I'd hunt him down, chop him up with an axe, stick his corpse in a cast iron box, weld it shut, bury him twenty feet deep, then build a shopping mall  over top of his grave.

During this time of year love is in the air and poor schmucks like me have to stand on the outside looking in on couples who are so cute you wanna douse 'em with gasoline then light a match  as they bill and coo to the point of creating nausea.

As for me, I just survived a kind of semi-date where the woman whom I had taken a fancy to told me she wasn't interested in any type of relationship. She's the kind of women I've been meeting as of late. Wounded birds who, because of a  bad marriage or relationship that soured quicker than a quart of milk left out of the refrigerator on a ninety degree day, have no interest in romance. They want to be (okay guys, say it along with me)" just friends. "

Well, I don't want another friend. I want a girlfriend, a lover, a significant other. Don't give me second place. That's dead ass time. I want the big prize; nothing else is acceptable. I once told a woman who handed me that well worn phrase if she wanted a friend to go to the local A.S.P.C.A and get herself a Goddamn dog.

Hell, my luck is so shitty I asked a co-worker ,who is hardly the hottest babe on the beach to be honest about it, out on a date and was turned down quicker than a bad idea. I mean, everyone should have a positive self image. But this woman with bad skin and a less than curvy figure is overdoing it a tad, I do think. She's much too picky for her own good. As for her reason, I'd need a eight year degree in psychology to figure that out and even then I don't think I could come up with a definitive answer.

So this Valentines Day(like last year and the year before) I'll be all be my little lonesome enjoying heaping bowlfuls of my own bitter stew. I may just call off of work to sit home and sulk. I must admit I have mastered the art of sulking. In fact, I've elevated it to an art form. I'll already be in a crappy mood; seeing couples in love holding hands just might make my day that much more crappier and I need that like I need an ass full of hemorrhoids.

However, if by next year I do find that special lady to share my life with, I'll be too happily in love to do any beefing, griping, bitching or grousing. Hopefully, I'll be totally head over heels in love and will be boring you with the all of the sappy details. But the way my miserable excuse for luck is going I wouldn't place any bets on it.

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Pop Culture Icon Anna Nicole Smith Dead At 39





Following her untimely demise at the age of 39, as the body of Anna Nicole Smith was undergoing an autopsy in the office of the Broward County Medical Examiner, the scene played out as if it belonged in a Fellini movie. A line of TV satellite trucks were positioned outside of the medical examiners office while reporters waited like a pack of ravenous wolves for any news that could be immediately transmitted back to the various news shows. But most people witnessing this prime example of the intense public interest in Smith's death, cast a jaundiced eye toward the bizarre proceedings. Jacques Gill,a 73 year old retiree from Quebec summed it up with the succinct comment," Well, that's America."

You're right on that count, Jacques. That most definitely is America. We love our celebrities. We love to cheer them on when they're on top, but we also get a thrill out of kicking them in the teeth when they're down. It's a modern day spin on the Roman gladiator spectacle with our beloved celebrities in the arena while we the public view their meteoric successes and plane crashing failures with equally voyeuristic fascination.

And so it was with Anna Nicole Smith. To be blunt, I never considered her an actress; she was mainly a celebrity. Although Smith aspired to be the "NEW" Marilyn Monroe, she only managed to achieve the dubious honor of being a pale imitation. You see, Marilyn Monroe could act(check out films like NIAGRA,BUS STOP or THE MISFITS and see for yourself) while Smith specialized in playing the sexy,ditsy blonde in every film she appeared in. And all you have to do is check out her skimpy film credits on IMDb to see how minuscule her career as an actress was. Smith's specialty was just being herself on The E Channel, which required no real acting chops. Her crowning achievement was The Anna Nicole Smith Show, playing herself naturally, which from the previews looked to be a real snoozefest. Unless of course,you're a fan of hers; then the show was an hour well spent.

When Smith first appeared on the landscape, she was lionized for her beautiful face and buxom figure; even after it was discovered her bustline was the result of silicone implants as opposed to Mother Nature as she claimed at the time. When she married 89 year old millionaire J. Howard Marshall, the under the hairdryer set licked their chops in salacious glee. There was a seemingly unending supply of fodder for the tabloid journalists,to be sure.

Then, Smith gained so much weight she resembled a Macy's Thanksgiving Day Float and people shook their heads in disbelief and muttered to themselves as they stood in line at the grocery store check out lane, " How could she let herself go like that?" After her association with Trim Spa and Smith lost all of the weight(and then some), her adoring fans gushed about how wonderful she looked.The public either adored her, envied her, reviled her or made her the object of their pity. It's all part and parcel of living in the glaring spotlight; the price one must pay to be a cultural icon.

Now, Anna Nicole Smith has died, leaving behind an infant daughter, Dannielynn, who will never get to know the kind of person her mother was except for Smith's public persona. Dannielynn will see her mother on The Howard Stern Show in a drugged stupor and slurring her words. She'll watch a music awards show where once again Smith appeared on stage doped up and almost incoherent. She'll thumb through many magazines to see her late mother's photographic image. But that's all Dannilynn will ever have. That and the reminiscences of family members.

In the end,Anna Nicole Smith left the world as an iconic legacy to be remembered for years to come.The actual person may have been clouded by prescription drugs, self indulgence, self destructive behavior, and an unabashed love of publicity. However, her pop culture stature remains intact. Smith's mortal self has shuffled off this mortal coil, but the image she presented to the world stands firm as a reminder of her existence.

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Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Nothing To Be Ashamed Of.






So there I was, driving home with a load of groceries while listening to Rush Limbaugh. Now,just to reiterate (in case you haven't read my previous article about him) that although I do listen to him on occasion, I'm not a ditto head. There are several issues where he and I part company. But when it comes to issues like less government interference in our lives and less taxes, then that's where we are in complete agreement.

But what really stuck in my craw was when a female caller was telling him how ashamed she was because of her liberal political beliefs when she was younger. This woman went on to say that liberalism was "an evil"(or did she say "a sickness") and that's when my eyes rolled back into my head in exasperation.Which by the way is not the smartest thing to to while driving down a busy roadway(just wanted to throw that in there). I mean, she was practically begging Rush to forgive her for what she felt were the sins of her youth.

She chastised herself for being part of the late sixties/early seventies radical movement which advocated tearing down the old establishment and building a new form of leadership. Well hell, most of us in that particular age group witnessed the killing of political radicals and the brutalization of war protesters on TV every night and in the newspapers. We thought the older generation was out of touch(and let's face it,they really were),so it became instilled in our conciseness that a major change was in order. So we protested and became radicals intent on changing our society.

Was our generation simply a gaggle of self deluded, drug induced,long haired liberals? Not at all. And although there were those whom experimented with substances, a lot of us were merely young and idealistic. After all, it was clear to us that the so called adults were botching things up. Yet when our generation spoke up,we were told to keep quiet and fall in line with the status quo. We saw the older generation being happily complacent as long as their bellies were full and their material possessions were plentiful as they damned and blasted the drugged out hippie culture while freely imbibing alcoholic beverages from their well stocked liquor cabinets.

Seeing this hypocrisy, the radicals protested in order to be heard. We wanted our voices, our opinions to be listened to and taken seriously. In our youthful zeal, we felt that the old power structure needed to be dismantled so the cry of " Burn, Baby Burn" was chanted. As soon as our generation grew up, we learned this was a woefully impractical and destructive solution. But in our youth this seemed to be the only viable solution. We wanted wanted change and we wanted it immediately. The impetuousness of the younger generation.

I,however,have to take a minute and confess something to you; I wasn't an bonafide radical. I sat in the bleachers as the true radical protesters took to the streets and cheered them on. I never participated in a protest, carried a sign or put myself in the way of the police in order to get arrested. I was there on the sidelines giving the power sign and dressing the part. Oh,I talked the talk alright,but never walked the walk. I was a radical in name only,passionately espousing my political views from the safety of my home and the places where I hung out at.

And although I have gained more knowledge in the thirty some years since those days of revolution as well social evolution, I feel no shame, no remorse or self recrimination for my liberal, activist leanings. I was who I was during that period of time. As I learned more about politics and the world in general, my opinions changed. After all,if I think and feel the same way at 52 as I did at 18, then I haven't accrued very much in the way of knowledge during my lifetime; I haven't evolved as a person.

As I mentioned before ,the woman who was berating herself on Limbaughs show for her days as a former liberal said at one point during her on -the- air mea culpa that she considered liberalism either "a sickness" or " an evil"(To be honest,I can't remember which). Now lady, if you want to wear your finest hair shirt when looking back on your past, well then, party hearty. But liberalism is neither " a sickness" nor "an evil" but another point of view. If you or your self appointed,self anointed leader of the conservatives have zero tolerance for any other political views except your own then you are just as judgemental as the Democrats that look at the Republican party in the same negative vein.

As far as I'm concerned, I have never or will I ever look back on my idealistic, liberal days with self loathing or any sort of self recrimination.So Rush Limbaugh, if you expect me to become contrite and plead for your unwanted and unneeded forgiveness for the convictions I held in the past, don't hold your breath. It ain't gonna happen.

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